“Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have perseverance and above all confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something and that this thing must be attained.”
– Marie Curie
Medium: Women are not “Empowered”
Claiming women are empowered makes what should be ordinary into unusual
Women are frequently portrayed as empowered when we act in a way that someone considers outside the norm for our sex. Hey, three out of the ten new partners at a law firm are women this year? Those ladies are empowered.
Medium: You Are (Actually) Meant to Do What You Love
Like many of you, the career I expected to have at the age of five is not the career I had at at the ripe old age of 27, nor is the career I had at 27 the career I have (or even want) now at 37.
Remember: Pushkin was exiled for his Poetry.
I was thinking today about a story. About how strange these times are.
I was thinking today, about how writing is a form of resistance even when there are no other forms of resistance remaining. Writers have existed in every major society, in every major rebellion. And writers are persecuted for daring to have ideas that don’t fit into the mainstream vision for the nation.
Pushkin was exiled for his poetry.
I went to bed last night feeling hopeless. I went to bed last night worrying about what I’ve brought my girls home to. This is not their home, not yet. My eldest still sounds like any child in London, still says “rubbish” and “pants” and girl” and, sometimes, but not often anymore, “mummy.” My little one likes best the book with pictures of London, of red busses and taxis and the Eye that she has never ridden in. But we’ve walked on by.
I will always be mummy. I will also be mom and mommy and mama and mooooooommmmmmmmm and ugh and I hate you and none of these someday.
But writing is a form of resistance. And Pushkin was exiled for his poetry.
And every child in Russia knows his poetry now.
So I will remember that, for now. And I will write. And I will keep on living my life. Because this is my country, too. And someday it may be my girls’ country. And someday maybe it will be all of ours again too. And maybe it will be hard, and maybe there are those amongst us who will be persecuted, and maybe it will get darker before this dawn, this dawn we believe is coming. (We have to believe. The alternative to believing is worse.)
And Pushkin was exiled for his poetry.
#AmReading List – The Hummingbird’s Daughter (Luis Alberto Urrea)
This weekend I finished The Hummingbird’s Daughter, by Luis Alberto Urrea. This book is juicy, at almost 500 pages, and I love that the author admits how long it took him to research and write and fictionalize a piece of family lore. It’s a longer read than I usually attempt, or than I usually have time for (blame the world), but totally worth every second.
The Hummingbird’s Daughter is a historical fiction that dabbles in the sublime. It’s not that the author is particularly verbose in his metaphors (like Atwood), but he writes in a practical matter about impractical things, making the impossible seem real in a magical realism all his own. It’s like Urrea has taken a family shopping list from two hundred years ago and transformed it into a mystical creature. That breaths fire. And purrs.
The fantasy/mystical elements of this work weave expertly with the historical notes, the small details on plants and climate and life on the frontier in Mexico at the dawn of the 20th century, and it’s a fascinating look at the US from an entirely non-American perspective, too. Growing up in Texas and having spent many of my holidays on the border or in Mexico, it is a transformative experience. It’s aspiration and inspiring. Highly recommend picking up a copy if you’ve not come across this book before!
Medium: The Definition of a Coup
The phrase “Military Coup” comes to us from the French phrase, “coup d’état” which literally translates as a “stroke of state” — the sudden overthrow of a government by a usually small group of persons in or previously in positions of authority.
#AmReading List: Sleep Toward Heaven (Amanda Eyre Ward)
I’m ashamed to admit that this book has been on my shelf for the better part of ten years. Maybe longer. I don’t actually remember. All I know is that the author’s husband somehow knew my husband and she lived in my hometown, Austin, back when I lived in Austin too, and somehow I have an autographed version of this book that I’ve never read that’s been on my shelf all this time, and if I’m jumping feet first back into this whole world, no time like the present, right? Right. Plus she has an impressive list of creds regarding journals she’s published in, so this was totally obviously research for my other project, the “what to do with the finished things” project… And that’s my excuse and I’m going with it.
Sleep Toward Heaven, and by association, Ms. Ward, are both on my shit list, first of all, because I should not have read the second chapter in public, and most definitely should not have read it a street cafe while eating pho in London, with lots of people sitting shoulder to shoulder and trying to cram soup in their mouths using chopsticks. I cried. Like a damn baby. I cried the cry of silent desperation and tears and had to use my napkins to dab my face, and I quite literally told the very concerned looking Uni student next to me that I was fine, the soup was just a wee bit too spicy for me. Yes, I blamed the pho.
It was not the pho.
I’m strangely entranced by this book. Mostly because I love the writing style, and the fact that Ms. Ward manages to switch between different POVs and different styles so effectively, which somehow feels like cheating because everyone says not to but she does it perfectly. I’m sure I can’t be the only one reading into the fact that the women on death row are written in third person limited present tense, because all they have is this moment, this exact moment in time. And the oncologist, regretful of her past actions, written in past tense third person… I got chills, man. Literal chills that had nothing to do with the cold front in London this week.
And the subject matter is not for the weak of heart. I did a term in the Actual Innocence clinic in law school, and the stories are heartbreaking… Mostly because there are so many stories where the only evidence that puts a guy away is so limited, but also because quite literally there is very little to be done to exonerate them once found guilty in the justice system. But it’s a great book, and it was nice to catch glimpses of my home town from afar. Just don’t read it while eating soup in public in London…
The ending is breathtaking. Unexpected and vital and overwhelming.
#AmReading List: Harry Potter and the Cursed Child (Screenplay by John Tiffany & Jack Thorne based on an original story by J.K. Rowling)
First, I blame this screenplay for a number of things, chief of which is that a short story I was working on has now morphed into a screenplay instead. Excuse me, rude. I don’t write screenplays, that’s very much outside of my comfort zone. But apparently, it’s a thing now.
Ahem. Back to the work. I know I’m late to the party and this came out ages ago, but life. I liked the concepts, even if I did have continual Star Trek thou shalt not mess with the space-time continuum! moments throughout the screenplay. Seriously, so many problems could be solved had the boys grown up watching TNG or even the most recent Trek movies and learned about chaos theory for going into the past.
As a parent, my heart ached for Albus. He’s so much like his father, befriending the child on the train that needs it most rather than befriending for prestige (remember, this is what caused the original Potter to reject Malfoy Senior’s friendship on the train as well, ‘the right kind of friend’ he was not). And yet Potter Sr. is blind to this connection between himself and his son. Ouch.
Screenplays. I’m not in the habit of reading them. Honestly, I’m not. But now I’m curious. A few years ago my partner bought me a book on writing screenplays and I sort of shoved it on the shelf and ignored it, because I was serious at the time about other things, but now, I’m curious. It’s going on the reading list for next month.
Anyway, three takeaways: (1) Watch Star Trek, boys, it solves space-time continuum issues in the magical universe too, (2) The parallels between Albus and his father are masterfully done, and the parallels between him and Severus gave me chills, and (3) Ew, it’s basically canon now that Voldemort slept with Bellatrix, where’s my brain bleach?
A Feminist Critique of “Ballerina” (the movie)
If you aren’t subject to the whims of a young girl in your life, you may not have seen one of the more recent movies directed towards the under ten set this holiday season; Ballerina is a French-Canadian English language film set in Paris, about a young orphan girl who dreams of dancing in the Paris Opera Ballet (It’s due for release in the U.S. in March under working title Leap!).
The animation is beautifully done and there’s just enough above-board adult humour to make sitting through a movie directed at children palatable, if not enjoyable. However, as a feminist and a woman, several key scenes don’t sit right and deserve critique.
First, the young heroine, Felicie, escapes the orphanage with her best friend, a boy named Victor. While the children are no more than 12 or 13 based on their apparent animated ages, throughout the film young Victor is constantly referring to Felicie as his “girlfriend” while she, in return, constantly refers to him as her “best friend.” At one point he attempts to kiss Felicie, then hastily covers this up as an accident. Felicie, for her part, seems keen on keeping Victor in the friends zone, constantly reiterating his importance as her best friend, while gushing about the other young man in her life, another ballet dancer who is intended to be a Russian rico suave type that all the other girls are enamored with as well.
This disconnect and the subsequent misunderstandings of consent on Felicie’s part that arise later in the film are disconcerting. Victor repairs a music box that is precious to Felicie, but instead of giving it back to her immediately, he holds onto the trinket until he can attempt to arrange a romantic private dining experience at the (still under construction) Eiffel Tower. He asks her to dinner, and assumes that when she closes the door in his face, she had somehow (miraculously) replied affirmatively. Even in the last scene, when Felicie pecks Victor on the cheek, in a friendly way (after he once again reiterates his interest in more than friendship and she kindly says he’s her best friend), Victor interprets the kiss as significant. He says, enthusiastically, “That’s really my girlfriend!” even though they have exchanged no comments of the sort that would solidify such a relationship. Indeed, the film ends without any sort of clarity as to their relationship, leaving that final declaration by Victor as the last statement as to their relationship.
Felicie herself demonstrates a constant refrain of putting relationships with boys ahead of her own dreams, when she blows off practicing and resting the night before the audition (upon which her future rests; if she doesn’t succeed in obtaining the part, she’ll be forced to leave the ballet school) to go on a date with the young Russian dancer. Of course things end spectacularly badly, when they encounter Victor, also prepared for his own (unconsented) “date” with Felicie, but the damage is done and Felicie has not practiced nor rested before her audition. Which she then blows, fantastically, and is sent back to the orphanage (and, thus, this is the point in the movie when my kid starts bawling).
To make matters worse, after Felicie has encountered Victor while on her date with the Russian dancer, she storms off after calling both boys on their idiocy, but then later apologizes and seeks out Victor to say she’s sorry for being an idiot herself. It’s unclear what she’s apologizing for, as she’s never accepted his advances in the first place, nor has she appeared to lead him on. Instead, it appears she’s apologizing for having been interested in another young man rather than Victor.
My daughter is still too young to pick up on the blatant failures of consent present in this movie, but one wonders if there was something lost in translation between the cultural components of this film (which was made in Montreal). The realistic portrayal of class in Paris of the 1800s, as well as the subtle key hints as to the character’s status and place in society, makes one wonder if the implied sexist actions throughout the film are intentional, rather than an attempt at a cutesy form of “boys will be boys” regarding Victor’s continued attempts to woo Felicie. I’m disappointed that a film so technically strong and vibrant in its portrayal of ballet would likewise fill itself with behavioral cliches by the lead character, as it seems to clash with the overall positive message of the film: never give up on your dreams (along with underlying mantras about working hard to achieve your dreams as well).
Activism 101 – A Guide to the Guides
I put together this as a primer for anyone looking to get involved but overwhelmed by the prospect of doing the grassroots level research themselves. If you aren’t sure how to get started in U.S. politics and activism in this new (unexpected) era, read on…
- Autocracy: Rules for Survival (Masha Gessen) – If you have not read this yet, start here. Masha Gessen is a Russian American Journalist and she’s 110% on point. She’s written extensively about Putin’s rise to power in Russia. Reading this list is essential. She’s also on twitter, @mashagessen.
- One of my favourite resources right now is the “OH CRAP! WHAT NOW?! Survival Guide” and its Digital Security section. Take a look there before you begin, and protect yourself if necessary. Bookmark it for the future; even if it feels paranoid now, when you later feel like you need to protect your digital footprint it may already be too late. Other important sections to review right now:
- The Legal System and You – especially important information for immigrants and DREAM kids, Queer families, and trans folks who haven’t finished name change paperwork yet.
- Self Defense – includes links to ACLU recommended cop watch apps designed to record during an arrest, and basics on possessing other self defense weapons in the U.S.A.
- Money – key information on tax prep and freelancing filing. Also has interesting (scary) info on currency and where to keep money right now if NAFTA is terminated in January.
- There are a few primers floating around out there in cyberland that include basics for activism within the system, which is where we have to start initially in hopes of reigning in the early power grabs (aka, the completely unacceptable cabinet picks, and I’m sure we’ll see more surprises come January). My two preferred ones are:
- The Rudimentary Guide to Action for Democracy and Human Rights: A Direct Response to the Incoming Trump Administration (via google docs), which includes a primer for activism for “couch potatoes” and lists out various actions to take, organized by issue; and,
- The “We’re his Problem Now” Calling Sheet (via google docs), a calling-script focused document divided into sections for weekly (updated) calls to action, calling scripts, contact info for party leaders and senators, representative contact info, and various tips and strategies.
If you have recommendations for other resources to list or review, let me know here or on twitter @apentopaper. Note I’m only interested in resources to share with like minded folks that do not require named login, not secret or private Facebook groups (see above re: Digital Security concerns regarding Facebook and other named social media).